How can I set boundaries with family during the holidays?
The holiday season can be a magical time of year—but let’s face it, it can also feel overwhelming. Between social commitments, family expectations, and the sensory overload that often comes with festive activities, it’s easy to feel stretched too thin. For families with neurodivergent children, this time of year may require even more thought and planning to protect your peace and energy.
The good news? Setting boundaries isn’t just possible, it’s essential. By clearly and kindly communicating your needs, you can create a holiday experience that works for your family and honours your values. Even better, modelling healthy boundaries is a wonderful gift for your children, teaching them to prioritise their own well-being in a world full of competing demands.
Here are some common holiday challenges, and supportive scripts you can use to navigate them with grace.
Challenge 1: Overwhelmed by Social Commitments
The endless stream of parties, gatherings, and activities can be too much for anyone, especially neurodivergent kids who thrive on routine and predictability. It’s okay to opt for fewer events to maintain balance.
What to say:
“We’re keeping things small this year, thanks for understanding.”
This simple, kind response lets others know your limits without inviting debate.
Challenge 2: Family Pressure to ‘Do It All’
Holiday traditions are beautiful, but they don’t have to come at the expense of your mental health or your family’s needs. If you’re feeling pushed to take on more than you can handle, it’s okay to say no.
What to say:
“That’s not going to work for us, but we really appreciate the thought.”
By framing your response with gratitude, you can acknowledge their intentions while firmly maintaining your boundaries.
Challenge 3: Needing a Sensory Break
Holidays often mean bright lights, loud sounds, and busy schedules, which can easily lead to sensory overwhelm. Building intentional downtime into your day is vital for everyone to recharge and enjoy the festivities.
What to say:
“We’re going to take a small break to re-energise.”
Pair this script with a plan: create quiet moments between activities, or designate a sensory-friendly space where your child can retreat if needed.
Boundaries Are a Gift
Remember, boundaries aren’t selfish, they’re essential. They allow you to show up more fully for the moments that truly matter. By honouring your family’s needs and teaching your children how to protect their own peace, you’re giving them lifelong tools to navigate a neuronormative world that often demands too much of us.
As parents of neurodivergent children, being neuroaffirming in our parenting is key. This means adjusting our environment and others' expectations to better suit our children’s unique needs. The holiday season offers a perfect opportunity to practice this by setting realistic boundaries that create space for both connection and rest.
So this holiday season, you can say it with love. Set those boundaries, stick to them, and celebrate the joy of creating a holiday that truly works for you and your family. It may not feel natural, comfortable or enjoyable - with practice, it does get easier.
Ready for More Personalised Parenting Support?
If you’re an Autistic or ADHD mum, or a parent raising neurodivergent children, navigating the holidays can feel like an extra challenge. I’m here to help you create strategies that support your family’s unique needs through a neuroaffirming approach.
Book a free 20-minute discovery session with me to explore how I can support you on your parenting journey. Let’s work together to make this holiday season and beyond more manageable and joyful.
